To Life

Life is such a curious thing. It is everything to us. It is the harbinger of all the pain and suffering that we will ever feel. Yet is also the bearer of all joy as well. Each life is different in some respects and almost identical in others. I suppose this is where the snow flake analogy “each life is unique when examined up close, but the all blend together when looked at a distance, like snow” would come into play.

            The element that is varying from human to human, although necessary, I not the focus of this, but rather the human variable in us all. The X and Y in the human formula. Some dedicate their lives to pursuing the pleasures of this world. Others tend to seek the material wealth of the Earth. Many choose the path of love as their own, and seek nothing more than a partner to help them through life. Some Pursue knowledge and others take it away, while myriads more seek salvation and enlightenment.

            As for myself, I seek one thing above all others, though has hopeless a quest it may be. This thing I seek is perfection or what I understand is the meaning of the word. As I have stated in previous writings that I admire the symbol of a machine, its cold calculating perfection unhampered by petty morality or distorting emotions. This unchanging perfection is such a beautiful thought to me, so much so that I meditate on it daily. However it is impossible for me to see such a goal for myself. I am after all only human and as a result need human things like emotion, companionship, life. This brings us back to where we started, and though I will never see my concept of perception in this life, I will still learn to enjoy the human in me the best I can.    

Schools End

So the time has finally arrived. After twelve long years of toil and test I have made it to the final hurtle. I know that it has not been easy these past years, filled with long nights of work and study, of solitude and contemplation. Obviously I am glad to finally see the fruits of my labor come into fruition, but in many ways I am also sad to see it come. For as much of a loner I am I have formed Bonds with my class, however fleeting they may be.

            Even the people I do not like in even the most remote way or have never met or spoken to have become something of a part of my daily routine. I am not saying that I will miss them because the simple truth is that I will not, but I will notice their absence and will find it strange. However for the majority of the people I know I will miss them for one reason or another. It could be some particular brand of humor they carry with them, an attitude, the way the talk, or so many other things, and to know that many of them I will never see or hear from again in this life.

            It is this maelstrom of complex and conflicting human emotions that I find so strange about the ritual of graduation. We should all feel nothing but pure elation for the first major success of our adult lives, and yet there is the slight shade of melancholy the haunts the background of the whole ceremony. And the feelings are not weak. As stated above even I feel their effects, and I have been training my mind to suppress such emotional responses for years.

            But I digress; soon I will take what may be my final walk through the halls of Holbrook High School. And while I am doing so I shall allow myself a smile, and will laugh to myself as I drift from hall to hall and Remember My time here.